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I cannot even remember the last time that I have written on here. A lot of time has passed and a lot of things have happened which bring me to where I am today. I think that the last time I wrote it was about heart ache or something of the sorts. With time, I was able to heal and become a better version of me in many ways. Although, I still struggle to be happy and to truly be content with my life as it is right now.
It makes me happy thinking that I have come this far, though. I felt lost in the place that I was a couple of years ago. Lost in time; stagnant. But I realized my worth and was able to move on and appreciate what I had already. I stopped focusing on what I did not have or what I had lost and I began my journey to recovery. My journey to sobriety and an education. It took me long enough.
Although my education came first, later I stepped into the path of being sober. I realized that I could achieve so much more than what I was doing at the time (complacently working at a bank full time for about four years then). I knew that I had to get myself out of there, I was miserable. It did take some nudging for me to realize that I am more than what I have been doing with my life. I have potential. I applied to my local community college and with the help of my amazing counselors, I was able to establish a good schedule and they sent me on my way. The next two years were a wild ride through the education system. I changed my major early on in my educational career from nursing to psychology. It was the best decision that I could have ever made. I realized that I was in nursing for the money and not because it was something that I felt passionate about and actually enjoyed. It was a hard decision to make, but I did it and I have no regrets. At least, not yet anyway..
So I know what I want to do with my education, now what about my life. I was slowly drinking myself away without even realizing. But one day I had an epiphany moment you can say, and this was after my other entry when I documented going to an AA meeting. That time was a hard time for me but it was not enough to keep me off. I continued to drink endlessly. I got to a point where I was drinking almost every day, pretty unhealthy, right? So I decided in December 2018 that I would stop drinking for good. I took my last drink on December 2018 about half an hour before the new year and I made it a New Years resolution to not drink that whole year. I had tried this the year before and I got through a couple days before I had my first drink of the year. I was scared. Was I going to be able to do this? Alcohol became something that was normal to me, it was a coping mechanism, it was my antidepressant for so long, I was not sure if I would be able to go through with it.. It is November 19, 2019 and I haven’t drank since. I feel accomplished and so proud of myself. I knew that enough was enough and I had to do this not only for myself, but for my son and my family.
It is November 19, 2019 and I am writing this entry as a student of UC Merced. Never in a million years would I have thought that I would be in the position that I am today. I feel successful and like I am winning at life. Almost two years sober and into my first semester as a third year on my way to receiving my bachelors in Psychology. I am grateful, beyond words. Even though this semester has been tough, I would not have it any other way. I feel privileged to be writing this today and to any of you out there who think it is ever too late to return school or to turn your life around, it is not! You’ve got this! You can do anything that you put your mind to… Just take a look at me.